Current mood:

cheerful

Spring: the change of a season, the change of a person
It has been a long time without any news... Well many things have changed, spring came and changed the weather and specially many things on myself.

I’ve been reflecting a lot about my life, therefore I didn’t want to write during this process. I cannot say that this process is over now, but there was an end for a cycle. Well, to speak the truth, I could say that 2 new cycles started.

The first cycle started and It is just amazing. I was seeing my staying in Germany as an experience and trying to enjoy it on the maximum, (I really thought that I was doing it!!!) unfortunately I had so many bonds to Brazil and to my culture that I couldn’t really enjoy it. There are other patterns here, different ways to think, to live, to communicate, well everything is pretty different and I was kind of resistant. This cycle ended. I just woke up one day totally open to it, it’s really weird to explain but at that exactly moment I knew that I wasn’t the same Natalia from the day before.

Maybe you wonder what have changed on me, I´d say that suddenly I was seeing the world with different glasses. I changed the pattern of thinking. For the very first time I accept Germany and the Germans the way they are. From then on I could see the logic behind life here. I could then understand how things are, why they are like they are and the most enrichment moment was when I finally accepted it at all.

I was enjoying my life here (a little bit...) but deep in my heart I just wanted to keep my old life, to go to the places I new before, to stay in my country, my city, my old life. However, now I see that if I were there, I´d miss too much this experience here. I wouldn´t have grown so much, I wouldn´t have experienced this self-awareness process.

It´d have been the most comfortable way, but not my way! And now I see this!